A Hole
i dug myself a hole with no easy way to escape. i don't have the shovel down here with me and i don't know how to get out. the thing is that there are people above ground who know i'm around/alive but don't know that i'm in a hole. i want to call out but when i try (or at least mean to) the words vibrate up my throat and by the time they're meant to leave my lips, they mask themselves as deep sighs, or change to the automated response of "i'm okay" or go silent. and i sit here, in the hole, and it rains more often than not and there's mud and things crawling out and my skin is cold and numb, and i pluck at myself, hoping that physical pain reawakens the part that has died inside of me and i've become so afraid of disturbing other people's lives and i've convinced myself that i deserve this and i will let this hole consume me. ...