A Hole

-
i dug myself a hole with no easy way to escape.
 i don't have the shovel down here with me 
and i don't know how to get out. 

the thing is that there are people
above ground 
who know i'm around/alive but don't know that i'm in a hole.

i want to call out but when i try 
(or at least mean to) 
the words vibrate up my throat 
and by the time they're meant to leave my lips, 
they mask themselves as deep sighs,

or change to the automated response of "i'm okay"

or go silent.

and i sit here, 

in the hole, 

and it rains more often than not 
and there's mud and things crawling out
and my skin is cold and numb, 

and i pluck at myself, 

hoping that physical pain reawakens the part that has died inside of me 

and i've become so afraid of disturbing other people's lives

and i've convinced myself that i deserve this 

and i will let this hole consume me.
By: Thokozile Gumede

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Existentialism.

-
Image
Don't get me wrong, Men are trash, vile treacherous things that will betray even themselves.a Engineered to want or need women from the day their born. And so from the get go the ball has always been in our court. But we're to busy loathing ourselves and in competition with each other to notice. That discovery and not just the external locus of control has been the source of my many depressions. That all we do on this earth is hurt and be hurt, endure. Tell me what is the meaning of life,  How does the caterpillar metamorph if it is constantly in healing? How does the butterfly relish in kissing flowers when it will either pluck it's wings out? It's self or other animals and forces of nature will do it.  And that ladies and gentlemen is the struggle of the depressed. Futility. What is the point of trying, if the probability of your efforts being thwarted is identical to you succeeding? The metaphor I like using for my depressions...
More Pieces »

Stuck between a rock and a Hard Place

-
Image
The world is on a constant change. I guess we all know that by now. Staying focused is very important in this time and age. Because ive seen so many people slip from reality and fall into a endless dream of success. Too many of us procrastinate about life, we sing endless songs of making it big in this world. Not to say procrastinating is wrong, you can do it all day, week, fuck it, you can do it all year if you down for it. But dont slip. When you get an opportunity of doing something and doors open, strike while the iron is still hot. Cliché right? You've probably heard that shit more times than youve lived right? Wrong! Dont let the situations you find yourself in at this very moment be the ones that determine how the rest of your life will be. I think when one feels like the world has nothing to give or offer them, we instantaniously give up and give in to being failures. Always stay focused. What i mean is dont weaken your mental strength, neither should you take...
More Pieces »

2Sense: Wise Monkeys

-
Image
" You can not use apartheid as an excuse" Excuse me? I don't think you understand what you're saying... a little more than 2 decades later we are expected to forget apartheid forget that that you came to OUR country, OUR continent and had the audacity to deem us inferior. then you proceeded to take from us, in fact steal our livestock , our land, even our liberty, anything you could get your hands on you took from us. We are thieves? well I wonder where we learnt that from. Called us uncivilised, yet YOU had primitive minds that only knew to conquer and divide. Tell me how are we to forget, how you relentlessly tried to destroy our nation, our humanity. You made our ethnicity feel like sin, like the pigment of our skin made us sub-human. Called us vile but you used pseudo science to convince yourselves that you were better. You imposed your religion on us and when we rejected it, you called us Kafers and for years to follow you used such words to torment...
More Pieces »